For the last few months, I have been dealing with grief, multiple forms of it — loss of a loved one, family, friends, purpose, and love.
Grief is one of those things we all have in common, where a sudden, life-changing event can be debilitating.
Sometimes I was able to get up and act like I haven't been affected by the trauma that continued to surface. Whenever I lifted my head, I saw more loss around me; I saw pain in others' lives. I can't recall any time in my life where loss was so prominent.
In a single day I witnessed a wedding; my son got engaged; I lost someone whom I loved dearly who was like a mom; and had to make one of the toughest decisions in my personal life — all within hours of each other. I joke about how I am surprised my heart didn't give out that day from pure joy and pain, but I think it went into self-preservation mode. I say that because in the days and weeks after, I went through my routines, but I was numb from head to toe. I did what I had to do to ensure everyone else was OK, but if you asked me to look in the mirror, I would have had a tough time recognizing who I was.
When processing immense grief, we must ask ourselves, "Are we OK?" I know I wasn’t. I had to reach out for support because I knew I had two options: to be a victim of it; or to be victorious, allow healing, and gain back control.
I don't know my ancestors, but I have read about them, and their accomplishments, and I had to pull from this unknown strength I have always felt was hidden inside.
I took time. I searched for online support groups. I reached out to my doctor. I didn’t want to drown in this grief that consumed me.
One of the most profound things I heard in one of the online support groups was: when we were born, we let out a cry, and the creator heard us, and we became one.
We must grieve, but we must also know our boundaries and reach out for support when we feel the weight of it growing.
It’s easy to get caught in sorrow, despair, loss, and its impact. It isn’t easy to seek out support and trust in someone. If you find yourself drowning, losing, or having a tough time seeing yourself, reach out for support, because you deserve it. It isn't easy — healing doesn't happen overnight — but it's possible and so important.
Katie Suvanto is a mother of three whose oldest son was born in St. Albert. She is exploring her Indigenous heritage and raising a child who lives with autism.
